How should one react to news item such as: “Centre wants UID for all cows with details of horn, tail, breed, age” (Indian Express, April 25, 2017, http://indianexpress.com/article/india/centre-wants-uid-for-all-cows-with-details-of-horn-tail-breed-age-4626717/. One will probably laugh looking at this crazy development taking place in the India. However the question is “has India gone to far on the protext of protecting religious symbolism?”
After reading this news, what struck my mind is – India will soon have a new law which will be called – Cow Protection Special Forces Power Act (CPSFPA). India will be the first nation in the world to introduce this sort of law. Such laws already be passed exist in different states. This law will be similar to India’s most controversial law – Armed Forces Special Forces Power Act (AFSPA) which empower security forces to kill innocent civilians in areas of conflict like Northeast and Kashmir.
The forces created under this Act will be empowered to grab the bulls by their horns and fight ferociously. Those who die in bull fighting will be given the highest Cow Gallantry awards every year. Promotion of the cadres will be entirely based on the number of bulls they can tamed every month. Their duty will be 24X7.
All cadres will be served with a specially produced soft drink called #Cowrine every morning. Of course it is not meant for toddlers. As marketed, this soft drink is known to be more powerful than Austrian energy drink Red Bull. Seriously, even milk is unmatched to it – in quality and nutrition. But surprisingly Indian porn celebraties are having illegal access to Cowrine blackmarket. A sex booster, an industry says.
To honour the bravery and services of the CPSFPA forces, a special prize will be constituted for smart cowboys who use modern technologies such as #CowAndMe CowTrackGPS, CowNetworking, CowInsta, CowLiveStreaming, CowTweet, CowChat etc while grazing. Video games like #DigiCow, BullGraze, SuperOxen etc will be used for skill enhancement and leisure activities.
However, an untested Android Apps developed under Make In India Initiative such as #CowGuru and DesiBull is preferable as they are designed with Sanskrit language. If any of the cadres wishes to have an extra pleasure, he is free to ride only the ferocious bulls for one hour daily.
Efforts have been activated to accelerate the mass production of new generation cow boys across the nation. To support this unique initiative an online fund contribution portal #CowPay has been designed by 2020Cows Pvt.Ltd company, a new enterprise established under PPP mode.
By 2020 India will have the highest number of cow boys – no country will dare to challenge us anymore. Even Mongolia and Bangladesh widely known for having largest primitive cowboys will not have a change to raise their middle fingers towards Hindustan. Jai Hind.
Disclaimer: No cows were asked any sophisticated question while writing this news piece, but they were strictly forbidden from revealing their religious faith.